- Requirements
- Summary
- Promotion – Melody Beattie
- Bill’s Wife
- Anonymity
- 27 Item Boundary Assessment Tool
- Results
- Summary – Key Changes
- Intention and Impropriety
- Desire to Date Again
- Promotion – Amazon
- Unlock your Life
- 20 Item Co-dependence Survey
- Assignment
- Boundaries – Just say No!
- Miscellaneous
- Professional Boundaries – Qualitative
- Next Steps
- What to Do?
- What is a Crush?
- What is a Real Relationship?
- Plutonic Love
Summary
I have been sharing Power Point presentations with a gal where I
live. She indicates she enjoys it and wants
to continue on. I also periodically give her homemade
cards. At one point she said we should
do karaoke together. Since I am letting
drive this ship I will just wait to determine what she is up to. I call her Agent “P”. I have known her just over two years (As of
August 2026) and know very little about her.
She did say she had roommates and her family calls her “P” once in
awhile. I am satisfied that she has enjoyed some of my Power
Points. I am splitting them by personal
and mission. My mission is Advanced Planning.
Promotion - Book by Melody Beattie
best known for her 1986 landmark book, Codependent No More, which brought the concept of codependency into mainstream awareness.
Boundaries
Codependency and boundaries are deeply connected. In fact, codependency is largely built on a lack of healthy personal boundaries, where a person blurs the line between their own needs, emotions, and responsibilities and those of other people.
Bill’s Wife – Co-dependent?
Bill W.'s wife was Lois Wilson (née Burnham), also known as Lois W. (March 4, 1891 – October 5, 1988). She was a co-founder of Al-Anon Family Groups and an important pioneer in providing support for the families and friends of alcoholics.
Life and Legacy
Marriage:
Married Bill Wilson in 1918 before he left for World War I. They remained married for 53 years until his death in 1971.
Supporting Early
Recovery:
She endured 16 years of Bill's severe alcoholism and later supported him while he co-founded Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
Al-Anon Co-Founder:
Recognizing that families suffered just as much from alcoholism, she co-founded Al-Anon in 1951 to apply 12-step principles to spouses, relatives, and friends.
Anonymity:
Like Bill W., she followed the tradition of personal anonymity during her active leadership, using the name Lois W.
Was Bill’s wife codependent?
Yes, Lois Wilson (wife of Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder Bill W.) openly described her early behavior toward her husband's drinking using what is now called codependency. She spent 17 years trying to control, cure, and manage his alcoholism, making his drinking the central focus of her life before finding her own recovery.
The Down Side of Anonymity
The primary downside of anonymity is that removing personal accountability often leads to the online disinhibition effect, where individuals feel free to engage in harmful behaviors like cyber-bullying, hate speech, and harassment that they would never do in person.
FYI > Metadata >
https://medicine.usask.ca/documents/pgme/CanMEDSPHG.pdf
From
04_Assignment_Singh_Assessment_27_Item_Boundary_12072601_Working V2024
Self- Assessment Tool
MBWP Assessment
Double Derived Maintaining Boundaries
This self-assessment tool consists of 27 questions.
The goals of using this tool are to help raise awareness and encourage self-reflection, as well as to promote open discussion among physicians about boundary issues.
When answering a question, try to think about how often some of the things mentioned below occur, i.e.: Seldom (0.00), routinely (0.75), occasionally (0.25) or often (1.00). After you have finished, review the discussion points provided on page 11. The discussion points will illuminate the reasoning behind the questions and how they relate to boundary issues.
Specifically deals with female relationships – 27 Items
WY = Whole Year
LSF = Low Scores are Favorable
Scores by and for Keith Torkelson
Summary - Key Changes - Cost
I began showing my interest in some females by making them homemade
cards such as Birthday and Christmas
Cards. As my boundaries changed from
neutral (2016 to 2023) taking and more risks indicating to females I was
interested in them. By 2024 I stepped
things up and made a few judgment errors.
I was showing signs of psychosis as early as 2023. The areas that might have cost me are:
Overstepping a cultural taboo, giving an inappropriate gift, wanting more
social contact with females, impressing females, showing excitement and
anticipation, wanting intimacy, and wanting to do some kissing. In the end as of 2026 my behavior in 2024 resulted
in freeing me from an unhealthy living arrangement.
Homemade Cards – Hobby
Kamara was my yoga instructor at 24 hour Fitness, Fountain Valley,
California. She would occasionally hug
me. All images and art were created by
Keith Torkelson. Kamara and I just grew
apart due to COVID in 2020.
Areas to Consider
Inappropriate gifts
Social contact
Impress people
Excitement and anticipation
Intimacy
Kissing related
Intention & Inappropriate Gift
After going without any intimate contact with any female since Joan (MSOE) left for Colorado in 2016 I desired
to work on a new relationship. My
intention for 2024 was to get closer to one of the females I was seeing and interested
in. Veronica (Harmonica) and Azucena
(Azuceli) were the best candidates.
Inappropriate gifts temporarily cost me my freedom. I was sent to the psych ward for giving a gal an inappropriate
gift. The gift was an extension built
off of me giving Joan swimsuits and apparel.
Actually I was and am not interested in the female I gave the
inappropriate gift to. It was just a
stupid decision. Yet it freed me from a position of being stuck in an
unhealthy living situation. Before this
I had given no inappropriate gifts to any female. I gave undergarments to Lola
back in the 1990s and she treasured them.
I had gifted a sweater to Veronica and she seemed to like it. I
had planned to gift another like in kind, semi-inappropriate, to Veronica. I am glad that I didn’t.
Desire to Date Again
In 2023 I began the process of letting down my boundaries in order to
get close to a few females. We were
seeing each other routinely. Once again,
I was giving them gifts. I felt
incredibly nervous with one of them, “Azucena”. I had reached the stage where I
needed a Yes go further or No go away. I
upped the ante and gave out intimate gifts.
Giving an intimate gift was just what I needed to move ahead and away
from my home since 2012. I was rather
trapped where I was living. Now in 2026
my libido in next to zero and I foresee less motivation to date again. A
female this year (2026) said: “I love you”. That was nice to hear. As far
as having an intimate relationship with a female in the future I get both kinds
of advice. My Social Worker Samantha
says No! Whereas my family says it is
still a nice possibility. The difference
this time is that I will let the female show interest as I did Joan back in 1998.
Promotion
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Paperback - January 1, 1986 by Melody Beattie (Author)
20230109M: 4.7 out of 5 stars > 15,691 ratings
Promotion > Shop
at Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025
Melody Beattie is one of America's most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles.
Unlock Your Life
Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent--and you may find yourself in this book. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.
Define stultifying
Stultify (verb) means to deprive of strength, efficiency, or vitality, rendering something useless, futile, or worthless. It often implies dulling enthusiasm, initiative, or creativity, or causing someone to appear foolish. A stultifying environment is restrictive, boring, or uninspiring, deadening progress.
Co-dependence survey
What Is Codependency? 20 Signs & Symptoms
https://positivepsychology.com/codependency-definition-signs-worksheets/
Dec 31, 2024 - Key Insights - 13 minute read
Codependency involves excessive emotional reliance on others and struggling with boundaries.
It is rooted in trauma, neglect, or substance abuse and can lead to low self-worth, stress, and identity loss. Overcoming codependency involves setting boundaries, self-care, therapy, and building self-esteem.
LSF = Low Scores are Favorable – Scored by and for Keith Torkelson
Codependency 20 Item Assessment
Boundaries – Just Say No!
Just Say No" emphasizes that setting limits by simply saying "no" is crucial for self-respect, preventing burnout, and building authentic relationships, even though it feels difficult; it's about protecting your energy, communicating your needs clearly (without over-explaining), and saying "yes" to your own well-being and values. Saying "no" builds trust, makes your "yes" more meaningful, and creates space for what truly matters in your life.
Saying No to Intimacy
Rejecting intimacy, or intimacy avoidance, is a pattern of pushing people away from close emotional or physical connection, often stemming from past trauma, fear of vulnerability, or low self-esteem, manifesting as difficulty trusting, emotional withdrawal, or sabotaging relationships when they get serious. While sometimes a learned coping mechanism, it can also signal deeper issues like childhood abuse, neglect, or unresolved stress, requiring communication, self-compassion, and sometimes professional help to overcome.
Miscellaneous
My Mood Influenced By Another’s Mood
Mood on Joan’s Mood
When your mood changes because of someone else's feelings, it is called emotional contagion. This happens automatically through brain cells called mirror neurons that copy the body language, facial expressions, and tones of voices around you. While it helps people bond, it can also make you feel bad when someone else is upset.
Satisfy your partner’s needs
Satisfying your partner's needs involves active communication, understanding their unique needs (love languages, emotional support, quality time, respect, physical affection, security, independence), and consistently showing up with empathy, validation, and appreciation, while also setting healthy boundaries. It's a two-way street of giving and receiving, built on mutual effort to make them feel seen, valued, and secure in the relationship.
Aside - MD on Call Findings – Dr. RPS MD (Circa 2012)
Self-Worth
Self-worth is your internal, unconditional belief in your own value as a human being, separate from achievements, successes, or external approval, meaning you are worthy of love and respect just by existing, unlike self-esteem, which fluctuates with external validation. Building it involves self-compassion, recognizing inherent value, challenging negative self-talk, and practicing self-acceptance to foster resilience and overall well-being.
Stress
Stress is your body's natural response to challenges, releasing hormones like adrenaline and cortisol for a "fight-or-flight" readiness, but while short-term stress can be helpful, chronic stress leads to physical (headaches, fatigue, high BP) and mental (anxiety, difficulty concentrating) issues, stemming from various life events or pressures, requiring management through techniques like exercise, meditation, or therapy to prevent health problems.
Identity Loss
Loss of identity means feeling confused or uncertain about who you are, your values, and your purpose, often triggered by major life changes, trauma, or mental health issues, leading to a fragmented sense of self where roles, beliefs, and self-perception become unstable. It's a feeling of being "adrift," questioning your core self when old roles (like "student," "parent," "employee") disappear or new circumstances challenge your established identity.
Self- Assessment Tool - MBWP Assessment
Link Lost
This self-assessment tool consists of 27 questions.
The goals of using this tool are to help raise awareness and encourage self-reflection, as well as to promote open discussion among physicians about boundary issues. When answering a question, try to think about how often some of the things mentioned below occur, i.e., seldom, routinely, occasionally or often. Started for year 2023
Professional Boundaries – Qualitative – 27 Items
Comments by Keith Torkelson
Next Steps – Sharing Truncated Autobiography
Sharing an autobiography can be risky because it is very heavy and intense. It may overwhelm someone you do not know well yet. Wait until you build a strong mutual connection before sharing deep, personal life stories.
Why You Should Wait
Too much information:
Sharing a whole book about your life can feel like a lot of pressure right away.
Misread interest:
She might feel trapped or unready for such a deep emotional bond.
Save special details:
Letting her learn about you slowly makes talking more fun and natural.
Better Ways to Share
Start small:
Tell one fun or interesting story from your past instead of the whole book.
Ask first:
Ask if she likes reading personal stories or memoirs before you offer yours.
Match the pace:
Share deeper secrets only after she shares personal things with you first.
How long have you known her?
Does she already know you like her?
I can help you figure out a better way to share your story or start a conversation.
What to Do?
Asking a new female crush a long list of written questions is usually not a good idea. It can feel like a job interview or a test. It might make her feel stressed or awkward instead of relaxed.
Why It Can Backfire
Too Much Pressure: A long list demands too much time and thought.
Feels Formal: It takes away the fun and natural flow of talking.
Puts Her on the Spot: She may worry her answers are "wrong.
Start Small: Ask one or two fun, casual questions in a normal chat.
Share First: Tell her something about yourself before you ask.
Keep It Light: Talk about shared interests, food, or fun weekend plans.
Watch Her Response: If she replies with short answers, slow down.
How you usually talk to her (text, in person, or social media)
What kind of things you want to know about her
I can help you write a few casual questions that feel natural instead of like a test.
What is a Crush on Someone?
Having a crush on someone means you feel a strong, exciting romantic attraction to them. Users generally agree on Quora that this feeling is deeper than a casual friendship, but it is still different from being fully in love.
Key Signs and Traits
Butterflies:
Feeling nervous, excited, or anxious when the person is near.
Daydreaming:
Thinking about the person often when they are not around.
Temporary Nature:
Often starting fast and fading away, or turning into a real relationship.
Secret Feelings:
Often kept hidden instead of being told to the other person right away.
Crush vs. Love
Crush:
Focuses on infatuation and excitement; it can happen quickly and may end just as fast.
Love:
Builds over time through a deep, real connection and shared history.
Would you like to know how to tell if someone has a crush on you or how to talk to your crush?
What is a real relationship?
A real relationship is a genuine connection based on mutual trust, respect, and emotional safety. It goes past superficial attraction or performance, requiring both people to show up honestly, accept each other's flaws, and work as a team through life's challenges.
Core Traits of a Real
Relationship
Mutual Respect:
Valuing each other's opinions, feelings, and BetterHelp Boundaries Guide.
Emotional Safety:
Being able to share fears and thoughts without fear of harsh judgment.
Accountability:
Owning mistakes, apologizing, and choosing to forgive rather than trying to "win" an argument.
Shared Effort:
Both partners contributing time, care, and support instead of one person doing all the emotional work.
Real vs. Fake or Superficial
Connections
Consistency vs.
Convenience:
Real bonds last when the excitement fades and real life begins, rather than depending only on good times.
Acceptance vs. Control:
Instead of trying to change a partner into an ideal image, real love embraces the actual human being.
Teamwork vs. Ego:
Partners see themselves on the same side during conflicts instead of fighting against each other.
Are you thinking about a romantic partnership, friendship, or family dynamic?
Is there a specific situation or challenge you are navigating right now?
I can share more targeted insights or communication tips.
Plutonic Relationship – Plutonic Love
A platonic relationship is a close, non-romantic bond between people that focuses on deep emotional intimacy, mutual trust, and support without any sexual involvement. Named after the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, these connections function as meaningful friendships that can exist between individuals of any gender or orientation.
Core Characteristics
Emotional closeness:
Sharing deep thoughts, secrets, and personal feelings safely.
No romance or sex:
Lacking physical intimacy like kissing or sexual desire.
Mutual respect:
Honoring personal space, independence, and individual boundaries.
Total acceptance:
Feeling comfortable to act like yourself without judgment.
Benefits to Well-Being
Stress relief:
Strong non-romantic friendships help people cope better with daily life pressure.
Better health:
Reliable social support lowers the risk of depression and boosts overall mental wellness.
Security:
Platonic bonds offer stability and affection without the complex conflicts or jealousy common in some romantic pairings.
Watch this short video explaining what platonic love feels like and why deep friendships matter:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Fa0rD2wVZ8g
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