Need for Positive Childhood Experiences by Keith Torkelson, MS, BS

 

Contents

 

• Requirements
• Positive Childhood Experiences (PCE)
• In Memory Of
• PCE Lister Lista
• Rough Childhood?
• Force Checklist
• Why Publish?
• Break Even
• Why Share?
• Violence
• Parenting Without Violence (PWOV)
• Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)
• Partner
• Brandishing
• Name-calling
• Harm
• Perp
• Knives
• Boundaries – Just say No!
• Aggression
• Break even developmental risk versus protections
• Miscellaneous

Positive Childhood Experiences

Positive childhood experiences (PCEs) are safe, stable, and nurturing relationships and environments that foster a child's capacity to thrive, such as talking openly about feelings, feeling supported by family during hard times, and enjoying community traditions. These positive moments build lifelong resilience and protect adult mental health.

Key Positive Childhood Experiences

Family connection:

Talking openly about feelings, knowing family stands by you in hard times, and feeling safe at home.

Social support:

Feeling supported by friends and having two non-parent adults who care.

Community and school:

Enjoying local traditions and feeling a sense of belonging at school.

Why They Matter

Builds resilience:

Lowers the risk of adult depression and mental health issues.

Buffers adversity:

Helps heal and balance the negative effects of childhood trauma or stress.

 

Aside

How to build PCEs using the HOPE framework

The difference between ACEs and PCEs

HOPE Framework, you focus on four core building blocks: relationships, environment, engagement, and emotional growth. This strengths-based approach helps children build resilience and heal from trauma.

 

Lived Experience – Break Even

My ACEs exceeded my PCEs on several occasions.  An example would be a mishap I made at night still being a costly issue in the morning.  I call this waking up to disaster.

 

Vulnerability

Vulnerability means the state of being open to harm, damage, or attack, and applies primarily to emotional exposure, computer security, and physical safety.

Emotional Vulnerability

Definition: Sharing true feelings, admitting fear, or asking for help instead of hiding behind defenses.

Impact: Builds deep trust and strong relationships, even though it brings the risk of rejection or hurt.

 

Abused Individuals and Vulnerability

Vulnerability increases the risk of abuse. Key factors include physical or mental disability, financial dependence, and social isolation.

Types of Vulnerability

Physical and Mental: Disabilities or illnesses make it hard to defend oneself or escape.

Financial:

Lacking money or a job creates total reliance on an abuser.

Social:

Being cut off from friends and family leaves no one to notice the harm or offer help.

Common Signs of Abuse

Physical marks:

Unexplained bruises, cuts, burns, or healing injuries.

Behavior changes:

Sudden fear, quietness, or acting nervous around a caregiver.

Withheld needs:

Lack of basic food, clean clothes, or proper medical care.

 

Does abuse Affect your vulnerability?

Yes, abuse can affect your vulnerability by altering brain function, creating emotional patterns that make future harm harder to spot, and increasing the risk of repeat victimization.

How Abuse Changes Vulnerability

Brain changes:

Chronic stress from trauma keeps the brain's threat center (amygdala) on high alert while reducing the activity of the part that handles clear decisions (prefrontal cortex).

Normalized behaviors:

Growing up with or experiencing abuse can make unhealthy boundary violations or manipulation tactics feel familiar or normal.

Isolation tactics:

Abusers often cut people off from friends and family, which reduces outside support systems and increases dependency.

Self-doubt:

Psychological maltreatment can lead to chronic shame or feeling inadequate, making it harder to trust one's own instincts about danger.

FYI – AI - If you or someone you know is facing abuse and needs support, help is available. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233 or texting "START" to 88788 for free, confidential assistance available 24/7.

 

Resentment

A negative emotional reaction defined as a lasting sense of unfairness, bitterness, and hidden anger that occurs when you feel mistreated or unappreciated.   Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is a complex, multilayered emotion that has been described as a mixture of disappointment, disgust and anger. Other psychologists consider it a mood or as a secondary emotion (including cognitive elements) that can be elicited in the face of insult or injury.

 

Amends

“Now more than ever I am vulnerable to my own self interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self satisfaction which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed. Is not my true objective.. I became willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God’s will for me.”

In Memory of Family & Harvest Retirees

Those who have passed 2024-2026

Positive Childhood Experiences – Lister Lista

What is a rough childhood?

A "rough childhood" refers to an upbringing marked by adversity, instability, or trauma. Clinically categorized by the CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences framework as ACEs, it involves chronic exposure to abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or family dysfunction. These harsh realities can significantly impact emotional, neurological, and behavioral development.

Core Components

While the experience of hardship is highly subjective, the term broadly encompasses:

Abuse and Neglect:

Emotional, physical, or sexual maltreatment, as well as a lack of basic physical and emotional support.

Household Dysfunction:

Growing up in environments with substance abuse, untreated mental illness, parental incarceration, or domestic violence.

Instability and Loss:

Frequent relocations, parental separation, or sudden abandonment.

Lasting Effects

Childhood shapes how individuals form relationships and navigate the world. According to Psychology Today, adults who navigated difficult early years are at a higher risk of emotional, cognitive, and physical challenges:

Hypervigilance:

A biological adaptation where the nervous system remains stuck in a "fight-or-flight" response, often perceiving neutral situations as threats.

Relational Struggles:

Difficulty trusting others, which can manifest as extreme independence or codependency.

Behavioral Adaptations:

Coping mechanisms such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, hyper-independence, or avoiding conflict by becoming "invisible" at home.

Health Risks:

Documented higher susceptibility to physical ailments later in life, alongside mental health struggles like chronic anxiety and depression.

Force Checklist - Integrated - Most before age 13 (Sample)

(*) After age 12

Why publish a history of abuse and abusers?

Publishing a history of abuse and abusers serves three critical purposes: validation for survivors by confirming their realities, accountability by creating a provable public record, and education by exposing the systematic tactics abusers use to manipulate narratives and evade responsibility. The motivation to document and publish these histories spans both personal and systemic reasons:

Countering Gaslighting and Manipulation:

Abusers frequently rewrite history, shift blame, and deny their actions to maintain control. A documented history provides a factual anchor that validates a survivor’s memory.

Building Legal and Medical Evidence:

A recorded history creates a vital paper trail. It helps law enforcement and courts recognize patterns of behavior and provides concrete backing for restraining orders, custody evaluations, or criminal charges.

Exposing Systemic Failures:

In cases of institutional abuse (such as within churches, foster care, or schools), publishing a history reveals how organizations enabled, covered up, or ignored perpetrators over time.

Fostering Public Awareness:

It educates the public and professionals on how to recognize the early warning signs of an abuser's "tactical playbook" (e.g., isolation, trauma-bonding).

Empowering Other Survivors:

Sharing autobiographical accounts or case studies of abuse can break the silence, reduce stigma, and give others the courage to seek help and leave unsafe situations.

In childhood what happens when risk factors exceed protective factors?

When risk factors consistently exceed protective factors, the cumulative stress frequently overwhelms a child’s capacity to cope. This imbalance significantly increases the likelihood of poor developmental outcomes, such as toxic stress, emotional or behavioral disorders, impaired academic performance, and long-term physical and mental health challenges.  Because a child’s environment is highly complex, experts measure these dynamics across multiple layers—from immediate family structures to broader societal resources.

Breaking Down the Imbalance

Risk Factors:

These are biological, environmental, or social attributes that increase a child's vulnerability to negative outcomes. Common examples include poverty, parental depression, family conflict, or exposure to violence.

Protective Factors:

These act as buffers; they are the strengths, relationships, and resources that help reduce the impact of stress and promote positive development. Examples include a secure attachment to a caregiver, strong problem-solving skills, and supportive community networks.

The Developmental Toll

When the scale tips heavily toward risk, a child's natural resilience is strained. The brain's stress response systems can remain activated for prolonged periods (known as toxic stress), which can disrupt the development of neural circuits. Over time, this makes the child more prone to:

Mental Health Struggles:

Increased vulnerability to anxiety, depression, and trauma-related disorders.

Behavioral Difficulties:

Challenges with emotional regulation, impulse control, and social interactions.

Cognitive Impacts:

Difficulties with memory, attention, and executive function, which frequently lead to academic struggles.

Fortunately, early intervention and targeted support can help tip the balance back. By minimizing environmental stressors and intentionally building up a child's protective factors—such as ensuring a stable home environment or fostering positive adult mentorship—the likelihood of a healthy developmental trajectory significantly improves.

Why share your lived experience as a victim of violence?

Sharing lived experience as a victim of violence helps survivors regain control, fosters personal healing through catharsis, and breaks the silence surrounding abuse. By transforming pain into power, it educates the public, reduces stigma, and validates the experiences of others, offering hope to those currently in abusive situations.

 

What is Violence?

Violence is the intentional use of physical force or power—actual or threatened—against oneself, another person, or a group, resulting in or having a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, or deprivation. It is a broad, multifaceted issue ranging from direct physical acts (like fighting) to structural, or emotional.

 

What is Domestic Violence?

How is domestic violence defined?

Domestic violence is the mistreatment of one family member or intimate partner by another. The abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and psychological. Most often (but not always) the persons who abuse are men. Most often (but not always) the victims of abuse are women or children. Mar 24, 2026

Parenting Without Violence 16‐Week Course

The Parenting without Violence (PWOV) course is a thirty‐two (32) hour series designed to empower participants to approach parenting with an understanding of violence in terms of power and control.  The focus of the program is to identify and understand the dynamics of family violence and the impact it has on parenting; the focus of the intervention is on the participating parent.  The distinguishing factor in PWOV apart from parent education is that, PWOV has a clear commitment to (1) the experience and accountability of the parent; and (2) understanding and modifying dynamics of violent or abuse‐prone behaviors as they relate to both partner and parent‐child interactions.  The psycho‐educational intervention approach addresses core dynamics in interpersonal relationships that are identified as abusive.  Awareness of these dynamics is enhanced through facilitated reflection and accountability to create respectful and empowering environments within the family.  

 

Curriculum Requirements

The curriculum must include, but is not limited to, all of the following components:

Domestic violence
Trauma
Child abuse
Co‐occurrence of violence with drug and alcohol use
Boundaries
Self‐care including developing support
Self‐care including developing trust
Developing coping skills
Responsible parenting
Identifying abusive behavior in self
Identifying abusive behavior in partner
Activities
Assignments during sessions
Assignments between sessions 
Program evaluation
Gratitude and inner peace

 

Evidence based curriculum is desirable 

Evidence-based curriculum is highly desirable because it uses proven research and data to deliver effective, consistent, and equitable instruction, resulting in improved academic outcomes and better student well-being. By utilizing verified teaching practices rather than speculation, it maximizes resources, fosters teacher confidence, and aligns with federal mandates for high-quality education.

 

Stayed

 

Elder Abuse

Suicide

Youth Violence

 

Aside - Intimate Partner Violence: Definitions

 

CDC Publication

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/definitions.html

Intimate Partner Violence Surveillance: Uniform Definitions and Recommended Data Elements, Version 2.0 [PDF 1.75MB] - IPV-Surveillance-report-2015

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a serious, preventable public health problem that affects millions of Americans. The term “intimate partner violence” describes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking and psychological aggression (including coercive acts) by a current or former intimate partner.

Partner

An intimate partner is a person with whom one has a close personal relationship that can be characterized by the following:

 

• Always well wish
• Attraction
• Emotional connectedness
• Emotional vulnerability
• Familiarity and knowledge about each other’s lives
• Identity as a couple
• Mutual Trust
• Ongoing physical contact and/or sexual behavior
• Physical bond
• Psychological bond
• Reciprocal support
• Regular contact
• Shared long-term commitments
• Strong interdependence
• Transparent communication
• Warmth

 

CDC Publication

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/definitions.html

There are four main types of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

Physical violence is the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing death, disability, injury, or harm. Physical violence includes, but is not limited to, scratching; pushing; shoving; throwing; grabbing; biting; choking; shaking; aggressive hair pulling; slapping; punching; hitting; burning; use of a weapon; and use of restraints or one’s body, size, or strength against another person. Physical violence also includes coercing other people to commit any of the above acts.

 

Is brandishing a weapon, violence?

Yes, brandishing a weapon is considered a form of violence or a violent crime, as it involves drawing or exhibiting a deadly weapon in a rude, angry, or threatening manner rather than in self-defense. It is legally defined as creating fear and intimidating others, often resulting in misdemeanor or felony charges, such as under California Penal Code 417.

 

What is inappropriate name-calling?

Inappropriate name-calling is the use of unkind, offensive, or derogatory labels to demean, hurt, or manipulate someone. It is a form of verbal abuse or bullying, often intended to lower self-esteem or control others rather than engage in respectful communication. Common examples include insults regarding intelligence (e.g., "idiot"), appearance (e.g., "fat"), or character (e.g., "lazy"), often used to win arguments or dehumanize people.

 

Violence has Potential for causing:

 

Death
Disability
Injury
Harm

 

Physical Violence

Physical violence is the intentional use of physical force—including hitting, choking, or using weapons—with the potential to cause death, injury, disability, or psychological harm. Such acts, often associated with interpersonal or domestic violence, can create severe immediate injuries or long-term chronic conditions.

 

Intentional Harm

Intentional harm refers to purposeful actions—physical, emotional, or financial—taken with the intent to cause injury or damage to a person or property. These actions constitute "intentional torts" in civil law, allowing victims to seek damages, and can include assault, battery, fraud, and emotional distress.

Single Perpetrator

KGT an acute (A) and chronic (C) abuser – KGT born 1949 was 10 years my elder

Victim = Keith Torkelson

Brandishing a Knife

Brandishing a knife means drawing, exhibiting, or waving a knife in a rude, angry, or threatening manner rather than for a lawful purpose (like opening a package). It is a criminal offense, often a misdemeanor, that typically involves displaying a knife in the presence of others to cause fear or during a fight.

 

The Knife Affair #2

Unexpectedly Joan my most significant other ever (MSOE) approached while waving a kitchen knife at me when we lived together.  Circa 2006, this event was associated with panic and a hospitalization.  In 2007, I moved out.

 

The Knife Affair #1

It looked to me like KGT was trying to stab CET with a knife.  CET got the upper hand putting KGT in a headlock.  The headlock caused KGT to have a seizure.  I would have been less than 9 years old.  Witnessing this event was traumatic. 

 

Traumatic

Traumatic describes deeply distressing, shocking, or physically injurious events that overwhelm a person’s capacity to cope, often resulting in lasting psychological or physical damage. It broadly spans two main categories: psychological trauma (severe emotional distress) and physical trauma (severe bodily injury).

Over-reacting in the face of a knife

There is no such thing as overreacting when a knife is present, as any threat involving a deadly weapon constitutes a critical, high-risk emergency.

Safety and Survival Priorities

Prioritize escape:

The primary goal in any knife confrontation is to create distance and get away safely rather than trying to fight or disarm the person.

Comply or distract:

If cornered, cooperative communication, appeasement, or tossing an item (like a wallet or object) to distract the aggressor can buy vital seconds to escape.

Treat it as life-or-death:

Drawing or brandishing a knife during an argument or assault is a severe indicator of dangerous intent; never dismiss or normalize this behavior.

Relationship and Behavioral Red Flags

Zero tolerance for-weapons:

If a partner or acquaintance pulls a knife during a domestic dispute or argument, it signifies a profound breakdown in safety and impulse control.

Seek immediate separation:

Leaving the environment and cutting off contact is the safest initial step when someone introduces a deadly weapon into a personal conflict.

FYI - AI

If this is an active emergency, please call 911 or your local emergency services immediately. If you are dealing with a non-urgent interpersonal or safety situation, tell me more about the context so I can help you figure out the safest next steps.

 

Outcome

I moved out in February of 2007.

Boundaries - Just Say No!

Setting boundaries by saying "no" is a crucial act of self-care and respect that protects your time and energy. It involves communicating limits without guilt, often simply, to avoid over-commitment. Effective "no" strategies include being direct, offering alternatives, or stating limitations clearly to foster healthier, balanced relationships.

 

Psychological Aggression

Psychological Aggression is the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm another person mentally or emotionally, and/or to exert control over another person. Psychological aggression can include expressive aggression (e.g., name-calling, humiliating); coercive control (e.g., limiting access to transportation, money, friends, and family; excessive monitoring of whereabouts); threats of physical or sexual violence; control of reproductive or sexual health (e.g., refusal to use birth control; coerced pregnancy termination); exploitation of victim’s vulnerability (e.g., immigration status, disability); exploitation of perpetrator’s vulnerability; and presenting false information to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory or perception (e.g., mind games).

 

Is suicide violence?

Suicide is considered a form of violence because it is an act of self-directed injury causing death or harm with the intent to end one's life, often involving violent methods. It is also seen as a manifestation of extreme, internalized aggression and mental anguish that disrupts the body and profoundly affects, or "violates," the lives of loved ones and communities through trauma.

Delinquency: When is it too far?

Juvenile delinquency goes "too far" when minor misbehavior shifts into chronic, violent, or calculated criminal acts. This tipping point is marked by severe violence, weapon use, and a resistance to early guidance.

Signs Delinquency Has Gone Too Far

Use of Weapons:

Bringing firearms or lethal instruments to school or public spaces.

Severe Violence:

Committing grave physical harm, armed robbery, or homicide.

Chronic Patterns:

Failing to respond to initial warnings, school interventions, or community diversion programs.

Calculated Intent:

Showing high criminal planning rather than spur-of-the-moment adolescent mistakes.

The Line for the Justice System

Normal vs. Extreme:

Minor rule-breaking and testing limits are a normal part of growing up.

Formal Court Action:

When harm to others is high, cases move past informal school discipline or counseling into the formal Legal Information Institute definition of a juvenile delinquent court system.

Transfer to Adult Court:

For extreme, violent felonies, courts may evaluate the youth for a transfer to adult criminal court, depending on their age and mental maturity.

Break even developmental risk versus protections

Achieving a "break-even" balance in human development means ensuring that protective factors equal or outweigh developmental risks to prevent negative outcomes like delays or behavioral problems. When risks and protections neutralize each other, a person reaches an equilibrium point where adversity is successfully managed without causing long-term harm.

Developmental Risks (The Dangers)

Poverty and stress:

Low income, hunger, and unstable housing.

Family challenges: Parent depression, abuse, neglect, or high conflict.

Environment:

Exposure to community violence, crime, or lack of school support.

Protective Factors (The Defenses)

Stable relationships:

Loving attachment and positive support from caregivers or family.

Personal skills:

Good emotional control, problem-solving, and self-confidence.

External supports:

Safe neighborhoods, good schools, and basic community help

Striking the Balance

The tipping point:

When risks pile up faster than supports, a child or adult is more likely to experience harm.

Building resilience:

Adding a single strong protective factor—like a mentor or stable home—can offset multiple risk factors and push the balance back to positive growth.

 

"And in the end the love you share is equal to the love you send."

 

Recommended Listening

 

• The End - Beatles
• Only a Lad – Oingo Boingo
• Flashes Confession – Kinks
• Gethsemane – Jesus Christ Superstar
• I Was a Punk - Tubes
• Robbery, Assault and Battery - Genesis

Nothing

"Nothing" generally means not any thing, the complete absence of matter, or a state of having no value, importance, or meaning.

Depending on the context, the concept changes across everyday speech, science, and philosophy:

Everyday Meanings

Zero or none: An empty quantity, such as having no money or nothing in a box.

No importance: 

A person, event, or object that holds no value or consequence.

Not at all: 

Used to show that something does not match or relate in any way (for example, "looking like nothing else"). 

Scientific and Physics Views

Users on 

AskPhysics agree that a physical space devoid of ordinary matter is a vacuum, which still contains energy, quantum fields, and virtual particles.

True, absolute nothingness—the complete absence of space, time, energy, and physical laws—has never been observed or proven to exist in a laboratory. 

Philosophical Views

Philosophers debate whether "nothing" can truly exist, since even speaking or thinking about it gives it a conceptual presence.

It is often defined simply as the absolute opposite of "something" and "everything". 

 

The Good Essence

In psychological research regarding the human search for meaning, humans possess a "good true-self bias". This is the inherent, immutable belief that their core identity—their "essence"—is fundamentally moral and good, regardless of external mistakes.

 

Aside - Thought has no mass

A thought has no mass because it is a biological and informational process rather than a physical object. It is an abstract pattern of electrical and chemical activity in the brain.

Physical parts:

The brain uses physical neurons and chemicals to work, but the thought itself is just the activity between them.

Energy use:

Thinking uses energy and burns glucose and oxygen, but the physical weight of the brain does not change when you think.

Like a song:

A thought is like a song playing on a speaker. The speaker has mass, but the music itself does not.

 

Thought can travel near the speed of light

No, thoughts do not travel near the speed of light; electrical and chemical signals in human nerve fibers move much slower, generally at speeds under 120 meters per second (about 270 miles per hour).

The Speed of Neural Signals

Axon speeds: Signals move along nerve fibers anywhere from 0.5 to 120 meters per second, depending on the type of nerve and insulation.

The light comparison: Light travels at roughly 299,792,458 meters per second, meaning light could circle the Earth over seven times in a single second, whereas a nerve impulse takes several milliseconds just to move across the brain.

Why it feels instant: The brain relies on massive parallel processing—billions of neurons firing at the same time—rather than high-speed transmission, creating the illusion of instantaneous thought.

 

FYI - I am as simple as a hydrogen atom? [I mean no harm]

No, you are vastly more complex than a hydrogen atom. While a hydrogen atom has just one proton and one electron, a human body contains trillions of cells, billions of molecules, and complex living systems.

Hydrogen Atom Structure

One proton: Found in the center nucleus.

Zero neutrons: In the most common form (protium).

One electron: Moving around the outside.

Human Body Complexity

Trillions of cells: Working together to keep you alive.

Many elements: Made of carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, and more—not just hydrogen.

Consciousness and thought: Able to think, feel, and ask deep questions about physics.

 

 

FYI - Training Artificial Intelligence - Beginning

Training AI is the process of teaching a computer model to recognize patterns, make decisions, or generate content using data and math. It involves three key approaches: supervised learning, unsupervised learning, and reinforcement learning.

The AI Training Steps

Define the goal:

Know what problem you want the AI to solve.

Gather data:

Collect text, images, or numbers needed for the task.

Clean the data:

Fix errors and organize the information so the model can read it.

Choose a model:

Pick the right algorithm structure for your goal.

Train the model:

Feed data into the system in batches so it can adjust its internal math rules (weights and parameters).

Test and improve:

Check how well the AI performs and tweak it until results are accurate.